In just three days, I will be 30 weeks pregnant.
30 FREAKING WEEKS.
Can anyone tell me how I ended up here?
Where did the time go??
Don't get me wrong, I am so excited. Like, butterflies every morning, dreaming of tiny fingers and toes every night, obsessing about my SON (oh my something bigger, I have a son!) every waking moment kind of excitement.
Although I am anxious for him to be here, I am very thankful for the mindset that I have for myself. Many moms get so used to the idea of a "due date" that they obsess over that day, and the days leading up to it; as if it were literally a delivery date set by fed-ex, and they can some how be assured that their little booger will be sitting on the doorstep by noon. I suppose too in most cases, this really is the case for women. Thanks to inductions and elective c-sections, you can choose your baby's birthday if you feel like it. (I hope anyone reading this who is pregnant or TTC will NEVER choose to do either of these things unless medically necessary.)
On the other hand, my brain has been hardwired to know that Oliver will be here anytime between Christmas and the end of January. And I am okay with that. It is exciting to me, not knowing; letting HIM choose his birthday. Did you know your baby releases a cocktail of hormones when he is ready to arrive? So, literally, your baby CHOOSES his or her birthday when it is best for him or her to arrive. I know most of you moms who just LOVE to give "advice" are itching to finish this post so you can scroll to the bottom and comment on how I "won't know till I am HUGE" and how I will be "begging for someone to get him out" because I am just SO uncomfortable. Well, save your breath, negative Nancys. Because I really, honestly, truly don't give a rats ass. I am well aware that I will be achy and tired and over the whole pregnancy thing, anxious about when he will decide to show himself. That is fine. I have a philosophy about pregnancy, that has seemed to work out really well for me so far. Ready to have your mind blown?
I STAY POSITIVE. I don't feel sorry for myself for CREATING LIFE. I know and trust my body to do what it is supposed to do, to nourish my growing baby in my belly until he is strong enough to join the outside world, and then to use my body to nourish him some more as he grows even bigger and stronger. I am just a passenger. I follow my body's cues, and will follow my baby's needs when he arrives. I will say, my aches and pains have been substantially lower than some, because I follow a strict chiropractic regimen, eat healthy, drink tons of water, and take care of myself. It helps a lot. But I honestly believe what has made this experience so enjoyable and so beautiful to me, is the outlook I have.
Sure, some days I look at my stretch marks, my wide hips, my round belly, and think, "Holy shit! I'm huge! Waaaaahhh!" But then I remember why my body looks this way. That the fat cells and extra water I am storing will soon be passed to my little boy so that he will get the nutrition he needs. That I can just as easily get my body back later, as long as I continue to take care of myself. That they are JUST stretch marks. My mommy lines. They tell a story, but they don't change what I am made of, or who I am.
I know some people will be offended by this post, as if I am saying "anyone who was/is pregnant that doesn't think like I do is ignorant and stupid", because people like to think they are being attacked by everything they see if it is contradictory to the things they chose or are choosing to do for themselves. I assure you, that is not my goal. I just hope someone can see this and feel along with me the utter otherworldly amazement that comes from building a human being. Bones, teeth, a complex circulatory system, and a brain that can comprehend it's own existence. A beautiful and perfect jigsaw puzzle of cells and stardust that MY body put together in just the right way. And yours did too! Be thankful and be amazed. Because it is truly amazing.
I can finally feel the shape of his little feet and hands when he kicks and punches. It makes me tear up every time. It is SO real now. Luckily for me, every time he gets hiccups, they are pretty low. He has been head down for quite some time. Hopefully he will just continue to stay that way!
I just had to make a post today, because on days like these when I am just so dumbfounded by my body, and the overwhelming love I feel for this little boy, I have to share with someone.
As the weeks draw to a close, I will continue to keep you all posted. Hopefully a little better than I have been....
Love and happiness to you all,
Oliver's Mommy. ( EEP! =] )